In this moment I’m really disillused, and in particular I’m tired of feeling either a bad trader or a bad woman.
Money has never been the primary drive behind my chosen profession , believe me (altough surely important for me, of course).
And the problems I’ve in my last trading days surely worsen my mood , but are not the most important reason of my bad inner feelings .
You always tell : intention = results.
You’re surely right in your TTP philosophy, which I’m using (or I’m trying to use, I have to say) in all aspects of my life.
I always look for patterns and trends in everything.
Following a starting trend is an exercise in observing and responding to the ever-present moment at time, you know better than me.
I also think we’re all looking for something ,and we’re all mistakenly thinking we can find it in or with someone else.
I know that’s not unique to this business, but it’s something that is allowed to be obvious.
I guess what we’re all looking for is happiness.
Happiness seems more like waves in the ocean that are steady and ongoing.
I’ve found that for me happiness comes from a general sense of well being ; just knowing that everything is exactly as is should be.
Allowing things to be just as they are.
And in this moment , after many years in which I really try to do my best, I understand it’s really not possibile for people like me (I’m a TS from Italy) not only working , but also staying in contact and even speaking with every kind of people staying in touch with trading and markets in general (traders in particular).
I think this is not a creation of repeating drama by myself , but it is (unfortunately for me ) the bitter truth ,the reality .
And I simply have to accept this kind of situation : there is no place for me in financial world.
It’s always the same situation : everytime some people working in financial markets and/or trading know who I am, always disappears, od consider not important my works (I share my works always , but others don’t do the same always), or my analysis, or my words, without hearing me or reading me (even when I am good).
Everytime,everywhere, in every place, with everyone.
For years.
About me it must be important only the appearance and not the substance, and I’m considered ok only for my physical appearence, for my look, for my make-up, for my sexy figure.
Yes, I like to cure myself , of course, but it’s not all for me ; it’s only a part of me.
Yes , I understand I seem searching an external validation (and I admit it is partially true, I think this is simply a human behaviour in my situation), but, believe me, it’s really different, it’s a question of personal self-esteem : simply after many years of struggle I am finally giving up , or perhaps I realize the reality I never wanted to see in the past.
Working alone is much worst than having bad results losing money.
Alone I could not grow up , this happens in every work and in every circumstances in our life.
I definitively lost my enthusiasm .
Perhaps, time to change again in my life.
Ed’s answer :
Thank you for sharing your process. You might consider the proposition that the feeling of contentment accompanies the willingness to experience all your other feelings. You might also consider taking your feelings of disappointment to Tribe.
